greedy oil companies

Need more money

A joint press corps today received the message that Equinor (formerly Statoil) now fears that they will not be able to get all the oil until the earth collapses completely. “We have been told by shareholders that we should accelerate oil production so that they receive maximum profits before the earth gives in to environmental damage,” said press spokeswoman Getty Moolah Hansen.

Must have more money

The company fears that the planet we live on will no longer be able to handle all the pollution caused by oil production. “There is still a lot of black gold on the seabed that we should now rush to get up so that we have more money in the account when the planet crumbles up as a result of us,” the press spokeswoman points out. TheHoppler has tried to get a statement from the very wealthiest shareholders, but they are on a luxury holiday in Africa where they shoot endangered animals.

Should think about the money

Statoil (or Equinor as they are now called) thinks it is foolish that environmental parties and environmentalists who get horny by nature do not think about all the money anymore. “Yes, it is actually the case that it is money and not untouched forest that will ensure our prosperity in this country,” the spokeswoman says. “We need money, but we honestly do not need greenery and fresh seawater. Cut out this environmental BS. The environment does need money, not love” concludes the avid oil woman.